Sunday 31 July 2016

Depression, Complications and Diabetes: Seeing the signs

It's hard to pinpoint when or where it began but it's been creeping in for some time, and the feeling is all too familiar.  There is so much in my life to be grateful for; a wonderful family, a beautiful, healthy daughter, a good job and cosy home. I go on holidays and have had a rare, precious opportunity to spend more than a year at home with my kiddo before returning to work, something people all over the world would give their left arm for.   But when the early days of depression begin, it is rarely because of dwelling on what you lack. It is a complicated issue made murkier by the swings and roundabouts of blood sugars and diabetes complications.

I spent days Googling 'Post Natal Depression', confused that I felt none of the typical symptoms, but well aware that something wasn't right.  I felt deeply connected with my child, and although I relished  (good God, did I RELISH) the moments I had away from her for a break, I couldn't wait to hold her again and make absurdly disgusting fart noises just to see her smile. I was also in the 'easiest' phase of parenting so far, when she sleeps through the night and is predictable in routine in the day.  I was finally drinking hot coffee again, the house was tidy and I could indulge in whatever evening TV I wanted, with little chance of interruption.  But despite being unable to connect my feelings with being a few months postpartum, my mood was low: correction, is low.

To the outside world I still smiled and joked.  I gushed about maternity leave and posted happy pictures on Facebook, but inside my head was whirring full of emotions fuelled by blood sugar mayhem and fears about the future.

The earliest place I could pinpoint as the beginning was visiting the Opthamologist's office, being told that they believed my Maculopathy may be developing, and further tests were needed.  I guess they have told people this a thousand times, but for me it was a first.  Casually talking about my sight like it was a sandwich I might miss out on eating, we discussed treatment and risks like they were no big deal.  Blindness and amputation have always been my greatest diabetes fears, and hearing the words out loud, looking over to my daughter sleeping peacefully in her pushchair, my mind was spinning thinking how much I would stand to miss out on; how much I wouldn't see.

Each morning I wake with a jump as the two - now three - trigger fingers jammed shut on hand, horribly shocking and a painful way to start the day.  The only relief being an operation.  That to follow the two carpal tunnel operations I have already had and the double tendinitis which needed shots and still remains in one hand.  Pain is a powerful beast.

Add to that infected Dexcom site which may, or may not, still have a piece of sensor stuck inside  my leg since May which was viewed by five different medical professionals over five separate visits, before someone had to take my hand and tell me it would be OK, as my eyes filled with tears of terror and defeat.  Eventually someone prescribed me antibiotics. It took a visit to the ER and a million tearful 'thank yous', before someone took my hand.

The pain in my left foot, like walking on a stone, may or may not be a diabetes nerve complication.  It's hard to tell given that nerve endings are tricky things to look at.  But it makes even the most wonderful walk a painful affair.  Pain is a powerful beast.

In recent months I have had so much to feel joyful for, but even the most joyful moments have been dulled by the constant aches and pains of the complications which everyone tells me are 'just a part of diabetes'.  The drip-drip-drip of complications, pain and medical mysteries has left me feeling just a little broken, at a time in my life when most women talk about how pregnancy and labour made them 'think they can do anything', I feel nothing but all the things I can't do.   

"There is always someone worse off than you," Is a mantra I've tried to tell myself, but in the moments I spend trying to get out of bed without bending my fingers because they will snap shut with excruciating pain, or the moments where the GP sends me on my way telling me to lose weight, without investigating any of the issues further, I find it hard to take a whole breath.

I don't know if I am depressed.  But I do know that I am a person with diabetes coming to terms with the possibility of permanent chronic pain from repeated inflammation issues. I am the mother of a baby trying to get my head around the fact that my eyes might not keep going forever.  I am the 33 year-old who has to take each step down the stairs one at a time in the morning because her foot, and swollen joints feel particularly painful today. I am 'the diabetic' gasping of thirst because her postpartum tiredness meant she slept through the 'HIGH' alarm on her Dexcom, the Dexcom she currently resents because of the sensor-might-not-be-sensor still stuck in her leg.

I am human.  And part of being human is that I am feeling ever so completely 'diabetic', right now.  As though that is the biggest part of me. Maybe the only part - the rest having been chipped away by a disease I can't escape. I am afraid.  And that's OK to say.

I don't know what the future will hold, but I know that endorphins and 'saying it out loud' can only serve to help.  Small goals at the gym, spending time outside and perhaps re-immersing myself in the community I have turned away from will help.  

For now, it's just one day at a time.

Saturday 23 July 2016

Animas Sports Weekend 2016: Part Two

This May just gone I had a little too much going on to manage to make it to the Animas Sports Weekend.  So this October, when the new-format weekend takes place on 8th and 9th October at Loughborough University, I will be there with bells on.
 
The weekend has been going around five years now and continues to draw people in time and again. Those who are there for the first time build friendships that last a lifetime. Those who have been before, want to go again.
 
Sports Advice
 
Exercising with type 1, particularly for those unfamiliar with exercise or those doing exercise which pushes them to new levels, is a tricky business.  Hypos, hypers, aerobic, anaerobic, diet, muscle repair, insulin dosing: the whole shebang can baffle my brain.  I've been on a number of occasions thanks to the relationship I have had the joy of developing with Animas but every time I go, I pick up something new.  Each time the knowledge and research by people like Dr Ian Gallen (who helped Sir Steven Redgrave reach his five gold medals at the Olympics) and Dr Alistair Lumb, deepens and broadens, so even if you've been before, there is more to learn.
 
Peer to Peer Time
 
Undoubtedly one of the highlights for me in going to the weekend is the joy of mixing with other people with type 1.  Learning from them, laughing with them, synchronising hypos; every bit of it is a joy.
 
Very few events in the type 1 calendar give the opportunity to mix with so many people living the same condition, so this weekend is socialising gold. It literally leaves you with the warm and fuzzies and 'fills you up' for months more living with diabetes.
 
Inspiration
 
Ever heard of people like Roddy Riddle, the type 1 Scotsman who made the 150 mile Marathon De Sables his bitch?  Or Claire Duncan who takes on ocean swimming or coast-to-coast in one day cycles (this woman eats marathons for breakfast)?  The team of speakers that Animas puts together could inspire a nation to get on their bike and give it a go.  And best of all, they are ridiculously wonderful people to spend a weekend with.
 
Alcohol
 
Because, there's a bar, obviously (hic).
 
How to get registered
 
Whether you are new to exercise, struggling to manage blood sugars in your normal exercise routine or stepping up to the plate for that marathon you always wanted to do, this weekend is for you.  The exercises are adaptable for those just wanting to try them out and for those wanting a challenge.
 
Registration for the weekend starts on the 1st August, when the link on this page will go live.  Spaces fill quickly so don't sit on the fence - hurdle it and give it a go.
 
Want to know more?  Then I guess you'll just have to come and see for yourself.
 
See you on the 8th October!!
 

Monday 11 July 2016

Be anything you want to be...

I have very mixed feelings about Theresa May. On the one hand the industry I work in has been decimated on a scale far greater than if she had driven a steam train into Piccadilly Station and set off an atom bomb. Morale is at an all-time low and the derogatory comments and smears she has made of services I treasure, such as the Police, are unforgivable. On the other hand, as a person with type 1 diabetes in a public role, she flies the flag bearing the mark of diabetes. 

I often think about the 'what's ifs' of my daughter one day developing type 1 diabetes. She shouldn't, given that she has just a 2% chance of developing it, but the chance is always there. Raising a child with type 1 can be a tricky business, and in amongst the challenges about self-management, maintaining blood sugars, issues with food and trying to manage a long-term chronic condition, come questions and identity challenges about what you can and can't 'be'. Aviation and emergency services are just two of the careers marred by limits on who can do them, and usually people with diabetes need not apply

Had you told me as a girl of just four, hands too small for the cumbersome blood glucose meters of the day, whose life had been irrevocably thrown into a veritable typhoon of diabetes, that she could one day have a job like being the Prime Minister of England, I would beamed from ear to ear.

The fact that the next would-be Prime Minister of England has type 1, is a landmark for people with the condition. People like Halle Berry, still causing merry hell by telling people that she was a type 1 who 'weaned herself off insulin' (God, give me strength) means we may finally have a 'real' face of the condition. Even if that face is one whose political decisions I have disapproved of, deeply. 

The one good thing out of the political turmoil and social unrest in our county is that one day I may have to convince my daughter than she can be anything she sets her mind to, and that can even be the Prime Minister of England.



Thursday 7 July 2016

Dexcom: Gen 6 and beyond

DexCom has always been a market leader in Continuous Glucose Monitoring; that's just a fact. While there are some fantastic sensors out there, for example, the Enlite sensor by Medtronic and the Freestyle Libre by Abbott (not strictly CGM but as close to and for many a more preferred way of engaging with their glucose levels). But, DexCom has always been just a hair breadth ahead in terms of accuracy and length of wear of sensors.

The exciting news from camp DexCom is that they are set to increase that gap even further with longer wear, an improved inserter (leaving 'the harpoon' in days gone by) and less calibration needed. And that is just Gen 6 (we are currently stealing through Gen 5 unless you are an old-skool Animas user like myself, who still rock out to Gen 4!) 

The full list of improvements can be found below, and are a fine example of how forward-thinking at DexCom raises the bar for everyone else. 

Enjoy!