Burning out

At last year's UK Friends For Life conference I attended a session on 'Avoiding Diabetic Burnout', during which a group of teary-eyed and wobbly-voiced parents and Type 1s discussed how to recognise the signs that we might be approaching that well-trodden path leading to burnout.  We helped each other string together our sleep-deprived thoughts and agreed that no-one really knows why it happens or exactly what it is, but what we did agree was when it hits, it hits hard.

Last night my husband and I had to call 'time'.  As I sat on the edge of the bed, brushing away my tears after another healthy, veg-packed, home-cooked, low carb meal left me three times higher than I should be just before going to bed - promising me another night of disturbed sleep and worry - we realised we had reached an impasse.  

Burnout crept up on me this time, lurking behind every bad blood sugar result, taunting me with every miscalculated meal and mocking me with every needle-prick striking my fingertips, piercing them for blood.  It was creeping ever-forward, unbeknownst to me, ready to set-in a while back. The last few weeks, perhaps even months, have left me frustrated, angry, tearful, sad, afraid and lost.  But mostly, I am just tired: And I am tired of being tired.

I've been interested in CGM for some time.  I've blogged about the benefits and why I would and wouldn't use certain systems and had a great experience with C8 Medisensors last year leaving me hopeful we would have a much cheaper and non-invasive system out shortly.  Sadly, that looks set to be some time yet.  I won't go over each of the available systems  again because all that info is already out there.  This post is about reaching decisions; about reaching the impasse and choosing a new direction.

My husband and I had already agreed that for pregnancy, we would CGM it.  But this week as the tears arrived, we both knew that 'in a couple of years' was too far away.  The plan had been to save for a kit once we had all of our finances sorted.  We decided today that finances come later.  This week I have an appointment with the bank to do a little number-crunching and I hope that my CGM system will be in the post by the weekend.  The Dexcom G4 system to be exact.

Although a huge cost at the outset (£975 to be exact, not including the sensors at £250 for four), the system is time and again boasted about by those who use it.  Jamie and I agreed we would try as far as possible to stretch out the use of the sensors, many of which appear to last well beyond the 7 days they should be used for.  But even if they only last the 7 days, two weeks of each with a sensor is better than four weeks without; a glass half full, and all that jazz.

So I hope that by this weekend the Dex will be on order, and I can bring you tales of my - hopefully - better informed diabetic life.